Monday, July 11, 2005

Alpha Male with Tits

Hhm, so, well, yes. The above comment. Apparently according to one of my colleagues this is my new soubriquet. I am, it transpires, basically a bloke who's been squashed into an hour-glass.

I scoffed at the time. I had a new bouncy haircut with a cheeky fringe which attractively - if not entirely practically - covered half my face, I had a flirty skirt on, ultra-cute top and very pointy shoes indeed. Alpha Male?! Tcha! I was the epitome of fluffiness.

He elaborated saying I could be a bit (vague hand gestures) in the boardroom, to which I gave a mild, level look. He responded with "oh no, she's giving me that look again" and promptly ran off. I was troubled.

When I got home, I hesitantly broached the subject with my flatmate. After she had stopped crying with laughter I felt better. Obviously it was a laughable idea. I said as much to her. "No, no, I totally agree with him, it was just a really funny way to put it" was her reply. I began to feel low. I expostulated on the amount of frivolous underwear I had, reminded her of several comments she had made about said items, the vast quantity of shoes I own, the fact that she calls my bedroom a boudoir (I think this is because of the velvet curtains but I'm not entirely sure) and my preoccupation with Benefit. Surely, I pouted, these are the paraphenalia of the feminine mind? "Yes, but you are (vague hand gestures) you know".

Pardon me, but enlightenment failed to dawn.

Paranoia set in when a third friend - quite independently - informed me that I was a Man With Breasts. (At first I thought she said I had man-breasts and got quite offended) By this time I was a little jittery. I asked why, why, am I a boy?

"Because you drink beer from a bottle"

Is that it?!? And actually, I'm more of a Singapore Sling Girl at heart. At least there was a lack of vague hand gestures, but frankly I was still at sea.

"Mind you, you're quite odd, because you are very feminine in some ways". Then she looked thoughtful and wouldn't say anymore.

I now live in perpetual fear that I'm going to magically grow a pair of testicles and start thinking with them.

Or something.

Yours, in confusion,

Shizue (Female, definitely)

3 Comments:

Blogger meg said...

Hee hee hee. Don't worry - I get accused of similar. Infact, Mr Boyfriend once informed me that I was the least feminine person he'd ever met.

I think it's a good thing. It means we're ballsy and don't take any crap (I actually did a typo there and wrote carp, which is quite funny but I thought I'd change it).

You are generally a very feminine person though. When said Mr Boyfriend accuses me of having too many shoes, I invite him to pay a visit to your wardrobe to compare!!

10:23 AM  
Blogger Katrina said...

I think you're both confusing appearance with behaviour. Someone can look very feminine, own very feminine things but in certain situations behave typically male. OK I realise we need to define our terms here (and Sociologist's tend to problematise essentialist gender claims made by some branches of Biology and Pyschology, arguing gender is largely socially constructed) but you get my drift.

Maggie Thatcher wore skirts, clutched her handbag, thought she was the Queen (e.g."We are a grandmother")but was thought of as the only male in the cabinet!!! She's an extreme case I know but isn't it often the way that for women to get on in the business world they have to act like men? Outside of work they could be very different.

Or in some cases......... maybe not!!! (Hee Hee)

P.S. I think the most I've ever got accused of is being stern but that makes me think of nurse matrons or Mrs Heatherley type school teachers rather than men so think I'm OK. Phew!!

6:46 PM  
Blogger I'm Over The Moon said...

God I know what you mean! Six foot of Scotsman nearly passed out on friday just because I made a pint of Old Speckled Hen dissapear in fifteen seconds. What? My husband just finished work, i was off to meet him. When they say 'you're so male' they mean "I will never admit that the reason i just got so badly beat by a girl is because you are woman and therefore naturally superior."

8:09 AM  

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